Pretty Human: How to feel good in the morning

If you're like most people -- and I definitely am -- then you probably spend a lot of your day subconciouslly mulling over your deficiencies and desires. You wish you could have a car as nice as your neighbor. You feel a bit jealous when a friend describes her latest vacation. You resent your coworker for having more success than you on the job. The thoughts are so automatic, ingrained, and routine that you probably don't even notice them most of the time.

You're interested in having all of those things because they make you happy -- for a little while, anyway. But they are not happiness themselves, and so going after them directly is merely treating symptoms, not the underlying cause. Most self-help, "obtain your dreams" type of books, though, go after exactly that -- finding a way to fix the symptoms. I think this is particularly dangerous, because if you try whatever system the book is pushing, and you don't reach your dreams (or if you backslide), you essentially reinforce your desire for those things and your belief that you cannot attain them. In short, you increase your mental and emotional baggage.

I'm not at all suggesting that working towards your goals is a bad thing -- indeed, doing so is a very good thing. I'm merely suggesting that we should take a closer look at the way we approach the problem.

A while back someone suggested to me the goal-setting self-help book "Your Best Year Yet! " by Jinny Ditzler. It's a good goal setting book; far better than many, since it recommends building your goals out from your underlying values.

The real gem of the book lies in the chaper on discovering your values. There Ditzler talks about life pursuits, and how they're generally characterized either the the question "How do I prove myself?" or the question "What can I do with the gifts I have?" Lives characterized by the latter questions are much more full and fulfilling.

That second question really resonated with me, perhaps because I don't take that approach very often. So, I started a new habit: for the past couple of weeks, while I shower in the morning, I ask myself "What can I do today with the gifts and talents I have?" I can tell you that from the very first day I started asking this question, it's had a profoundly good effect on my day. I start from a position of strength. Instead of starting with my usual uninspiring morning thoughts (like "What chores do I have to do today?"), I'm almost instantly in a good mood.

This goodness may be in part due to the phrasing of the question -- by asking what you can do with the gifts you have, you feel generous with your life and energy and skills. Generosity is energizing and inspiring. And best of all, your generosity attracts the generosity of others, forming a wonderfully virtuous circle.

Pretty Human

Ideas, activities, and objects that reinforce our humanity

How to feel good in the morning

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